Free agency has started in the NFL, an event which can be equated to throwing rocks at ducks in a pond.
(Note: I do not condone throwing rocks at ducks. It is merely an analogy....maybe a poorly conceived analogy, but regardless, it is the analogy I have chosen to use. In other words, do NOT go out and throw rocks at ducks. Of course, the fact that you are actually able to read this disclaimer informs me that you have enough sense not to do such a horrible thing...but, I take this precaution nonetheless.)
During free-agency, some teams hurl large hunks of gold at the ducks. Ducks, being swift and agile creatures, easily allude these expensive and awkwardly heavy stones. Quickly, these teams are in the proverbial red. Exacerbating this loss is the fact that when those teams miss (which is often), they have nothing left to throw, nor any money left for buying food for the few ducks they already own.
Daniel Snyder had a farm. E-I-E-I-Oh-No!!!
Some teams take their gold to the store, and buy a bag full of cheaper rocks. Sure, these rocks might be smaller and less impressive, but every once in a while, they hit a duck (Mike Goff in San Diego comes to mind). More importantly, these teams also have enough gold left over to buy a loaf of high quality bread for the ducks that they already own (e.g. Kris Dielman in, once again, San Diego).
Some teams do not throw rocks at all. Nor do they own ducks. In fact, one has to wonder, do these teams really even like ducks. Instead, these teams dump their gold right onto the shore...and collect bouquets of stinging nettle and poison ivy.
Ahem...Mr. Davis, your boutonniere is ready.
Then, there is the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers take their gold to the general store, where they purchase some fencing materials, some tools, and plenty of vegetable seeds.
Then, every April, when the farmers are allowed to choose a few eggs from the nursery, the Steelers always seem to find some of the strongest and fastest ducks in the batch (although recently, a few of these late-round selections have failed to even peck their way out of their shells).
Slowly over the years, the ducks grow and the seeds become plants. In turn, the tomatoes and cucumbers are sold, and the money is used to buy bread for the ducks. Through years of gentle duck-rearing, these ducks learn to fly higher and swim faster than many of the other ducks on other farms.
Alas, every once in awhile, one of the ducks feels a little bit "disrespected" (about eating generic bread) and seeks out other farms.
Now, it is a given that all ducks want to eat gourmet breads. But, only a few are actually worthy of such feasts. A smart farmer knows when to buy a loaf of Milton's pumpernickel, and when to help the duck pack his bags.
For example, a duck on Pittsburgh's farm named Joey wanted to feast...and feast...and feast. Yet, Joey was not swimming as fast as he once did (although, he did quack louder than any of the other ducks). Joey was one of Pittsburgh's favorite ducks...but, the farmers could simply not afford him. Thus, the Steelers allowed Joey to find a farmer willing to feed him lots (and lots) of bread.
(Note: The Steelers could have traded Joey, but decided that Joey had earned the right to choose his new farm. It was the least the Steelers could do, considering Joey's many years of being a solid, productive duck for them.)
Instead of doling out the money for Joey, the Steelers decided to save that money, so that they could purchase bread for two of their youngest, strongest, and fastest ducks: Troy and Ben (who will likely be tempted to flee the farm next year).
In closing, to all of those fans out there quacking (pun intended) about the Steelers not being active participants in this year's annual rock toss...remember the following slightly altered adage:
Two ducks on the farm (Troy and Ben) are worth four in the pond.
